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Where Has The Time Gone???


When on Earth did my babies get so big? Damn. If I am not careful, the next thing I know, I will be planning weddings. I can hardly believe that Illiana is going into Kindergarten; and Kitty, our little miracle baby only has 5 weeks of school left before she is officially a 1st grader!

I still remember getting up early every morning to sit in the NICU with her for the day. Staring at her in that incubator, scared; afraid of the worst, afraid to love her too much because of the risk of losing her.

My parents, rightfully so, were worried about me having a kid (at that time, who could blame them). But God sure works in mysterious ways. That little girl straightened me out, she brought out the best in me. And here I am now, eating my words that I spewed my entire life about not wanting kids. Funny, because I am sitting here pregnant with #4!

I have found very little in life that has brought me more fulfillment than being a mom. Seeing them learn and grow. I still see that little 2 pound baby when I look at her, or I sit with her while she reads to me, Illy, and Cara. It's fascinating!

I almost feel greedy, selfish, maybe the word is spoiled... that I get to witness so much more than Steven or my parents do. He sacrifices so much so I can be at home to be a part of their lives. I don't see how I can get much luckier in life. Kitty is reading, Illy is writing, and Cara has finally started talking... I wish I could capture it all or just freeze time so I can enjoy it longer.

I may never have had plans to be a mom, but God had decided differently for me, and in the end, her being a preemie, and Illy coming as such a quick surprise afterwards really awoken something in me that I just didn't think I had. I'm so grateful for this insane little world Steven and I have created. I can't even imagine what it is going to be like with a little boy running around here next. While I am very anxious to meet him, I know we have at least 20 more weeks, and that is fine with me.

I know at the time Kitty was in the NICU I really questioned just why God allowed things like that to happen, but I get now that I needed it. He never intended to take her from us, He was building us up to be the parents He needed us to be. I see only greatness in these children, as I am sure every parent does. Then I look at Steven and I see that it couldn't be any other way, with such an amazing man as their role model, they are destined to do amazing things as well.

So on a side note: I posted FML on my facebook the other day, to explain: Only because I was told that Steven was officially in country... but I love my life, with all the happiness, sorrow, fear, and joys that come along with it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

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