Well, here we are again... another late night, I am wide awake... it has officially become tomorrow, and I don't feel sleep coming anytime soon. I haven't had a whole lot of worth-while thoughts running through my head lately; everything has become very routine and my days just sort of fade in and out of one another. I mean, it is not necessarily a bad thing, but when I get into these robotic ways I feel like it means I am slacking on the children. I may be comfortable with cleaning floors, dishes, and doing laundry at the exact same time everyday, and spending spare time watching tv, crocheting, and sitting around the house; but these poor girls must hate it.
I really need to find a way that we can still go do something without me breaking my rules for pregnancy. The beach is a no-no because walking in the sand is a workout so, I cant do that. The park would be okay if it didnt mean chasing Boo all over hell and back... getting the pool out and letting them swim in the backyard is okay, but i feel like it's still us being stuck in the house. So, I am thinking tomorrow may need to be an arts and crafts kind of day. The girl who paints faces is going to be at starbucks, so we can do that, maybe do some painting, go buy some chalk, and they can decorate the driveway while I clean my filthy car... I think we just need to do something different.
Summer vacation is drawing to a close here, and I don't want to feel like I wasted the time that we had at home together. Soon, both my babies are going to be in school, and then both my actual babies are going to be the only ones home... I want us to have some fun before we get back to the grind of kindergarten and first grade. Being high risk and pregnant just makes it challenging because I am so limited on what is okay for me and safe for Ivan.
I am thinking that for the majority of tomorrow I need to just stay off line, focus on my girls, and make it a fun day. The weather is supposed to be nice, and there isnt any reason we cant enjoy it from home. As much as I enjoy being pregnant, even with all my complications and challenges that it creates for me... I have to admit that I am not sad to put my baby-making days behind me. At the end of the day, the truth is that my girls are getting older, and they aren't easily entertained with cartoons and coloring books anymore, and it is time that I quit putting myself through months of high-risk can't do anything BS and started taking the time to make sure that I am enjoying these little ones everyday that I get with them.
So, yeah... I feel like the neglegent mother right now, but it's hard without help. And sure, in a few months, they won't remember the long boring summer stuck at home... but you can't get back days that you wasted... I don't want to look back and think about all the things we could have done, or the moments we could have shared. Today Illy said "mom's just aren't that fun." Maybe she's right... maybe that means I need to change something with how I have been doing things I know it's not easy with Steven gone because I am stuck being "all business," but you know what they say about all work and no play... it's time for me to let loose and enjoy childhood again, even if it's not my own.
Well said....something all moms feel at one time or another. Just forget what isn't really necessary and be with them. I wish I could have a do over and worry less and laugh more.
ReplyDeleteWell, I think you are doing a fantastic job with the girls! You guys have fun at home, you take them out to lunch or dinner, they have friends over. Fun doesn't have to be packing them in the car and being gone all day. They are all well adjusted, happy girls. Thanks to you!
ReplyDeleteEverything will be fine. You will be feeling better in a few months. Steven will be home. Just keep doing what you been doing. Daddy and I couldn't be more proud of you!
Love ya... smile :)
This just makes me want to cry. Not sure if it's pride I feel for you or saddness for the situation. Maybe its a combo of both. I wish everyday that you lived closer. I think of you and the girls every single day. Just because the phone doesn't get picked up and phone calls aren't made doesn't mean I'm not here for you or don't love you and all your minions. I do. Deeply.
ReplyDeleteI've very proud of you. Your want and desire for a family is amazing. What you go threw for that dream is amazing. The sacrafices every single day are amazing. I know this is a life you chose. You and your girls are making the best out of the life you have. Those girls have a great childhood. They have toys, friends, games, places they can go, people they can see, and people that love them.
Illy saying "moms aren't that fun" is just a matter of opinion and expectation. She's a brat :) Well Mom's aren't fun because you like to eat kid. Mom's have a job to do. That's why you have sisters (and a pending brother)... They will be your fun :) Love the Ill-Dozer!
You're doing the best you can with what you have. You're doing more before 9am than most do all day! I love and miss you, your prego belly, and your girlie minions!
Simply that you think this shows how great a Mom you are!
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