It is no easy task to look into the eyes of little girls, who are finally old enough to understand just how long their daddy is going to be gone, and not want to hate yourself for the grief you cause them; even if it is all for the right reasons. Nothing gets easier in the military life. Deployments get harder, family life gets harder, separation gets harder... it all hits this point where you aren't just another newly-wed couple anymore, your entire family is this one complex unit and ever bump in the road effects the entire thing.
The girls getting older really does make it harder. When they were toddlers, they had no clue. They didn't understand how time works, they just took things for what they were worth. Daddy wasn't home, and that was that... but now, they get it. They understand the difference between a week in training and months away from home. They know they aren't going to see him and they understand their emotions better so they express actual sadness.
It hurts as a mother to know that the very things we have to endure to provide for them and give them the lives they deserve are the cause of why they are so sad. I'm just glad that they don't fully understand the risks. They look at daddy and they don't see him as someone who will ever go away forever. They have no true concept of mortality and they think that he is invincible. I like to think he is too.
We have struggled through so much together, put together this life with one another, and this beautiful family, and every time he leaves the mission may stay the same, but the wager I place on the table always grows greater. Previously, I felt like life just went on hold and than started back up once he got home, but life doesn't wait anymore... little girls still finish school, teeth fall out, babies learn to talk and new members to the family are born and all the while there is this other part of me that is so far away; living a separate existence from the rest of us. Like a leaf that has fallen from the tree but carries on as though it were not severed.
The level of strength we have built together gives me confidence through it all. If I couldn't do it without him, than who would? It is a life we have chosen, and have somehow thrived in and as much as I hate it, I just couldn't see it any other way.
The girls getting older really does make it harder. When they were toddlers, they had no clue. They didn't understand how time works, they just took things for what they were worth. Daddy wasn't home, and that was that... but now, they get it. They understand the difference between a week in training and months away from home. They know they aren't going to see him and they understand their emotions better so they express actual sadness.
It hurts as a mother to know that the very things we have to endure to provide for them and give them the lives they deserve are the cause of why they are so sad. I'm just glad that they don't fully understand the risks. They look at daddy and they don't see him as someone who will ever go away forever. They have no true concept of mortality and they think that he is invincible. I like to think he is too.
We have struggled through so much together, put together this life with one another, and this beautiful family, and every time he leaves the mission may stay the same, but the wager I place on the table always grows greater. Previously, I felt like life just went on hold and than started back up once he got home, but life doesn't wait anymore... little girls still finish school, teeth fall out, babies learn to talk and new members to the family are born and all the while there is this other part of me that is so far away; living a separate existence from the rest of us. Like a leaf that has fallen from the tree but carries on as though it were not severed.
The level of strength we have built together gives me confidence through it all. If I couldn't do it without him, than who would? It is a life we have chosen, and have somehow thrived in and as much as I hate it, I just couldn't see it any other way.
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