Rough Morning Numero Uno

It was a rough morning. It shouldn't have been, but it was. I am 100% taking responsibility for my mental/emotional breakdown that ended up directed at the kids. Makes me feel like a bad mommy. :/ I am just overwhelmed I guess. Or I felt like it today. I think I'm okay now. Had to cry it out like a damn toddler, but I have regrouped and am doing better. I just want school to be over, have my baby home with us all everyday and not have to over stress about stupid things like library books, Friday folders, homework packets, and spelling tests. I'm so grateful that Stasia is a smart cookie because I don't know if I could handle dealing with a kid that didn't get things easily right now.

I miss my husband like all hell right now! The long weekends can be depressing. I am happy for my friends that don't have to be dealing with deployments right now because deployment sucks, but I hate being the only one with a husband that is gone. It gets very lonely when all my friends are off doing things with their families and we are stuck here. Come dinner the girls always make things sad because they notice that there is no daddy sitting as his spot at the dinner table. Than they start asking questions I do not want to answer... like that we have over 200 days before he gets back. *sigh*

So, we have officially had our first deployment meltdown. I hope they are few and far between.

Comments

yawn

I honestly dont remember the last time I was literally falling asleep while watching television... but I am exhausted. It feels like everything has settled down with Cara and now the exhaustion of it all has finally caught up to me. I need to just sleep in, but alas, meds at 0100 and 0700, so no rest for the mommy. It's going on midnight, and I have to wonder if it's even worth going to bed for an hour, just to have the cursed alarm wake me up in a little bit. Guess it is good practice for when Ivan gets here and is on my case for late night feedings. Oh, how I hate newborns! I know that is a bad thing for a mommy to say, but who enjoys anything that tires them out and makes them miserable? Sure, I love my babies... but I love em even more when they start sleeping through the night. There's your honesty for the evening... I guess I'm too tired to sugar coat things. That or I'm just bad at sugar coating... either way.. there you have it :) I guess I will go ...

Missing In Action

Well, I honestly have to question my mental health on certain days. It feels like every time I talk to someone who is about to make a career move, their number one concern is how long that job is going to take them away from their families... I do not think we ever even considered this when he started doing what he is doing now. It's the weirdest thing to me that people are conerned with deployments and training schedules... I never really give it much thought because it is normal to us, I guess. I remember a time when I was adjusting to Steven always being gone, and I literally had to carry a picture of him with me at all times because I was certain that I was going to forget what he looked like. There were very late nights, up with kids, where I was worried I was going insane because I did not feel like this husband of mine actually existed. How ridiculous is that? Now, I suppose we have gotten so good at being apart, that he can be gone for majority of the year and I do...

One of Those Moms

Growing up, I always remember how our mother and father told us that if we ever did something wrong, they would not protect us from getting what we deserve, but that they would turn us in themselves if they knew we did something wrong. I can't agree with this logic more myself. What a disappointment it must be to see your own child completely fail in the things you taught them. Of course this does not only apply to if your son goes postal and offs his girlfriend... but I think it also makes it obvious how I would handle my children doing something blatantly wrong in their personal life. Now, I am well aware, from my own lack of making right choices from time to time, that there are moments where you are tasked with helping your child figure out just how an adult is supposed to act. Sure, at 20-25 we all like to think we know what we are doing; but we screw up. If you have ever seen a bird trying to learn to fly, I feel like that is what the early twenty's are all about....

Mama Arty v.2.0

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