Rough Morning Numero Uno

It was a rough morning. It shouldn't have been, but it was. I am 100% taking responsibility for my mental/emotional breakdown that ended up directed at the kids. Makes me feel like a bad mommy. :/ I am just overwhelmed I guess. Or I felt like it today. I think I'm okay now. Had to cry it out like a damn toddler, but I have regrouped and am doing better. I just want school to be over, have my baby home with us all everyday and not have to over stress about stupid things like library books, Friday folders, homework packets, and spelling tests. I'm so grateful that Stasia is a smart cookie because I don't know if I could handle dealing with a kid that didn't get things easily right now.

I miss my husband like all hell right now! The long weekends can be depressing. I am happy for my friends that don't have to be dealing with deployments right now because deployment sucks, but I hate being the only one with a husband that is gone. It gets very lonely when all my friends are off doing things with their families and we are stuck here. Come dinner the girls always make things sad because they notice that there is no daddy sitting as his spot at the dinner table. Than they start asking questions I do not want to answer... like that we have over 200 days before he gets back. *sigh*

So, we have officially had our first deployment meltdown. I hope they are few and far between.

Comments

Take A Break

Well, here we are again... another late night, I am wide awake... it has officially become tomorrow, and I don't feel sleep coming anytime soon. I haven't had a whole lot of worth-while thoughts running through my head lately; everything has become very routine and my days just sort of fade in and out of one another. I mean, it is not necessarily a bad thing, but when I get into these robotic ways I feel like it means I am slacking on the children. I may be comfortable with cleaning floors, dishes, and doing laundry at the exact same time everyday, and spending spare time watching tv, crocheting, and sitting around the house; but these poor girls must hate it. I really need to find a way that we can still go do something without me breaking my rules for pregnancy. The beach is a no-no because walking in the sand is a workout so, I cant do that. The park would be okay if it didnt mean chasing Boo all over hell and back... getting the pool out and letting them swim in the ...

Im a Big Girl

There has been some conversation lately, about me being the primary contact during Steven's deployments. Primary contact is the person that is contacted in case of any situations that take place in theater (Afghanistan). If there was any type of injury, but he was okay, he would be able to call me himself, but if the injuries were extensive than they would notify me by phone on what is going on, what happened, and where he is located/headed to (medivac out of country, etc.) However if there was a casualty than I would be notified by the infamous movie-made-famous scene of the men in uniforms coming to knock on my door and ruin my life! So.... these are the facts. I have been married to this life for going on 9 years now... This is our 4th deployment, all combat deployments, and I have always understood the risk involved when my husband leaves us and heads out to do the job he has trained so tirelessly for. I have always known that he could be killed in action, or hurt, but I have n...

Missing In Action

Well, I honestly have to question my mental health on certain days. It feels like every time I talk to someone who is about to make a career move, their number one concern is how long that job is going to take them away from their families... I do not think we ever even considered this when he started doing what he is doing now. It's the weirdest thing to me that people are conerned with deployments and training schedules... I never really give it much thought because it is normal to us, I guess. I remember a time when I was adjusting to Steven always being gone, and I literally had to carry a picture of him with me at all times because I was certain that I was going to forget what he looked like. There were very late nights, up with kids, where I was worried I was going insane because I did not feel like this husband of mine actually existed. How ridiculous is that? Now, I suppose we have gotten so good at being apart, that he can be gone for majority of the year and I do...

Mama Arty v.2.0

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