Being a Marine wife is a bit challenging at times. But I don't know how it feels to be one of you guys. You all look at me for the updates and information and often times I have to lie to you. "Oh I am not sure where he is at," "he's just on some base," "no, I haven't heard from him," "He didn't say..." Oh how that list could go on and on.
Its weird, he knows so much, Im told minimal information, and than I am allowed to share even less... I can't imagine how bothersome it is for him to know the things he knows and not be able to tell me or the family. I know how much it drives me crazy to know he is in route somewhere or headed on a mission and unable to tell people that would like to be informed on what is going on. And then to think that he knows even more.
Even once he comes home there are things we don't talk about. I wonder sometimes; the things he has had to do or the stuff he has bared witness to. He is stronger than me, that is for sure. I rely on venting to him, everything that goes on in my life, and he can't tell me somethings. Undoubtedly, some of what he keeps between him and his fellow Marines is done for my own piece of mind; that much is a fact.
There are entire deployments where he has left out the horror stories and I find them out from reading his fit-rep or from being around when him and the guys are talking. He might send me a video while he is gone because its a "nice" video but all I hear is the gunfire and see the situation they have to live in and I ask myself "if this is what he was willing to show me, God only knows what the big picture looks like."
So, I can't tell you all very much, and somethings he can't tell me. And the Marine Corps has us all in this weird little world of need-to-know. Maybe someday, long after retirement, I will get the whole story; when I don't have to worry for him anymore because there are no more deployments. But I doubt it. And I'm okay with that, because he doesn't omit things to be spiteful or because he doesn't trust me or whatever the case could be; he knows I am a spaz and he doesn't want me worrying myself sick. Which I often manage to do when all I am told is "I'm good, I'm bored, nothing's going on, it's quiet here" blah blah blah.
It sure does take a strong man to harbor all that stuff alone. I raise my glass to any service member who has seen the truths of war and can still force themselves to function in this world on a daily basis. It cannot be easy.
Its weird, he knows so much, Im told minimal information, and than I am allowed to share even less... I can't imagine how bothersome it is for him to know the things he knows and not be able to tell me or the family. I know how much it drives me crazy to know he is in route somewhere or headed on a mission and unable to tell people that would like to be informed on what is going on. And then to think that he knows even more.
Even once he comes home there are things we don't talk about. I wonder sometimes; the things he has had to do or the stuff he has bared witness to. He is stronger than me, that is for sure. I rely on venting to him, everything that goes on in my life, and he can't tell me somethings. Undoubtedly, some of what he keeps between him and his fellow Marines is done for my own piece of mind; that much is a fact.
There are entire deployments where he has left out the horror stories and I find them out from reading his fit-rep or from being around when him and the guys are talking. He might send me a video while he is gone because its a "nice" video but all I hear is the gunfire and see the situation they have to live in and I ask myself "if this is what he was willing to show me, God only knows what the big picture looks like."
So, I can't tell you all very much, and somethings he can't tell me. And the Marine Corps has us all in this weird little world of need-to-know. Maybe someday, long after retirement, I will get the whole story; when I don't have to worry for him anymore because there are no more deployments. But I doubt it. And I'm okay with that, because he doesn't omit things to be spiteful or because he doesn't trust me or whatever the case could be; he knows I am a spaz and he doesn't want me worrying myself sick. Which I often manage to do when all I am told is "I'm good, I'm bored, nothing's going on, it's quiet here" blah blah blah.
It sure does take a strong man to harbor all that stuff alone. I raise my glass to any service member who has seen the truths of war and can still force themselves to function in this world on a daily basis. It cannot be easy.
And I raise my glass to the women who stand beside them, without asking, knowing there are secret to never be told. We stand beside them so they may have an anchor in a sea of chaos.
ReplyDelete