Entering Protective Mom Zone

Well, here we are... 940 at night. I cant remember the last time I was in bed this early... too bad I am not actually in bed... I am currently taking up residence in Boo's room because of her fever. I am worried, I would hate not to hear her if she woke up in the middle of the night and needed me. And this way, when I wake up the millions of times I wake anyways (thank you Ivan) at least I can check to make sure she is okay.

Nothing is worse than a sick baby. It's sad. And it is scary because they can't tell you what is wrong with them so it becomes this guessing game of treating random symptoms and praying to God they don't end up throwing up! As of now she is sleeping soundly. Almost teasingly, tempting me to go to my own comfy bed, but mommies don't just go to sleep when their babies are sick... so... the floor (well the mattress on the floor) it is. I just hate that feeling you get when you look at them and they are all sad looking, when you get that feeling of "I wish it was me, not her" hit you... reminds me of the nicu days...

I am hoping that tomorrow she is feeling better. I had to postpone my "it's my birthday so i can celebrate it a week early if I want to" celebration... and I wont be doing it tomorrow; even if she is feeling better. Nobody likes to go out and do things the day after feeling like poo.... maybe monday... maybe tuesday and we can also celebrate hitting 30 weeks pregnant! woohoo! We will see... i may be a creature of habit, but I don't plan for anything!

Comments

Missing In Action

Well, I honestly have to question my mental health on certain days. It feels like every time I talk to someone who is about to make a career move, their number one concern is how long that job is going to take them away from their families... I do not think we ever even considered this when he started doing what he is doing now. It's the weirdest thing to me that people are conerned with deployments and training schedules... I never really give it much thought because it is normal to us, I guess. I remember a time when I was adjusting to Steven always being gone, and I literally had to carry a picture of him with me at all times because I was certain that I was going to forget what he looked like. There were very late nights, up with kids, where I was worried I was going insane because I did not feel like this husband of mine actually existed. How ridiculous is that? Now, I suppose we have gotten so good at being apart, that he can be gone for majority of the year and I do...

Now Things Get Interesting

We have hit the 21 week mark. you know most women are excited to hit the second leg of the pregnancy, they are finally out of the wood-works, and know that all its about is baby gaining weight, developing lungs, and waiting for its entry into the world. Not so much around here. After them first 20 weeks, my pregnancies quit being fun and start being scary. Other women get excited to feel their babies moving so much, all this little boy does is move around, and it's making me nervous, he agitates my uterus; hasn't caused any contractions yet, but he's still got some room and doesn't have the strength of a 28-32 weeker yet. Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant, but its scary. And its scary to know I am carrying a boy because they suck at doing good if they are born early. I suppose it will be what it will be and there isn't anything I can do to change the plans set in place for our family. I honestly dont think anything is going to go wrong, I think everythin...

yawn

I honestly dont remember the last time I was literally falling asleep while watching television... but I am exhausted. It feels like everything has settled down with Cara and now the exhaustion of it all has finally caught up to me. I need to just sleep in, but alas, meds at 0100 and 0700, so no rest for the mommy. It's going on midnight, and I have to wonder if it's even worth going to bed for an hour, just to have the cursed alarm wake me up in a little bit. Guess it is good practice for when Ivan gets here and is on my case for late night feedings. Oh, how I hate newborns! I know that is a bad thing for a mommy to say, but who enjoys anything that tires them out and makes them miserable? Sure, I love my babies... but I love em even more when they start sleeping through the night. There's your honesty for the evening... I guess I'm too tired to sugar coat things. That or I'm just bad at sugar coating... either way.. there you have it :) I guess I will go ...

Mama Arty v.2.0

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