fast-forward 7 years

Hey, this isn't a prank or your imagination... it's me. I forgot all about this blog. Guess once that 4th kid arrived I didn't have time to deal with a blog. Then of course the husband made it home from Afghanistan. Life took over, and its okay... because that's what life should be doing.

So - Seven whole years... I couldn't possibly recap that. The Marine Corps is officially over, we don't play those games anymore, and now we are living back up near home. It's been a long adjustment but we are doing good.

I honestly only went online because I wanted to find a way to blog about things that I am dealing with. I live a good life, but there are things I need to get in order, things I have to do for me and my family if I am going to stand here and say I don't suck. I don't know. Personal decisions huh?

Now, I'm kind of confused about what to write because I thought I was going in as a newbie- stranger... didn't recall having a toe in the water already. Craziness.

I guess I can get real for a moment. I'm quitting smoking and I am stressed to the freakin max! I don't know if I can do it. I want to be able to do it. but dang it - addiction sucks. I look back at my life and you know, I quit some hardcore super stupid things back in the day - why is this so hard? This should be a joke for me, but it's not. I'm effectively cutting out the one feel-good constant I have had in my life for the last 21 years. How do you walk away from that???

There's a slew of shit that comes with this post. Hey, lets be real. Seven years! Things have happened people and in time maybe we can get all caught up. For now... I've got a cat waiting to watch a Hallmark Christmas movie with me and it's too cold to say no.

Comments

Missing In Action

Well, I honestly have to question my mental health on certain days. It feels like every time I talk to someone who is about to make a career move, their number one concern is how long that job is going to take them away from their families... I do not think we ever even considered this when he started doing what he is doing now. It's the weirdest thing to me that people are conerned with deployments and training schedules... I never really give it much thought because it is normal to us, I guess. I remember a time when I was adjusting to Steven always being gone, and I literally had to carry a picture of him with me at all times because I was certain that I was going to forget what he looked like. There were very late nights, up with kids, where I was worried I was going insane because I did not feel like this husband of mine actually existed. How ridiculous is that? Now, I suppose we have gotten so good at being apart, that he can be gone for majority of the year and I do...

yawn

I honestly dont remember the last time I was literally falling asleep while watching television... but I am exhausted. It feels like everything has settled down with Cara and now the exhaustion of it all has finally caught up to me. I need to just sleep in, but alas, meds at 0100 and 0700, so no rest for the mommy. It's going on midnight, and I have to wonder if it's even worth going to bed for an hour, just to have the cursed alarm wake me up in a little bit. Guess it is good practice for when Ivan gets here and is on my case for late night feedings. Oh, how I hate newborns! I know that is a bad thing for a mommy to say, but who enjoys anything that tires them out and makes them miserable? Sure, I love my babies... but I love em even more when they start sleeping through the night. There's your honesty for the evening... I guess I'm too tired to sugar coat things. That or I'm just bad at sugar coating... either way.. there you have it :) I guess I will go ...

One of Those Moms

Growing up, I always remember how our mother and father told us that if we ever did something wrong, they would not protect us from getting what we deserve, but that they would turn us in themselves if they knew we did something wrong. I can't agree with this logic more myself. What a disappointment it must be to see your own child completely fail in the things you taught them. Of course this does not only apply to if your son goes postal and offs his girlfriend... but I think it also makes it obvious how I would handle my children doing something blatantly wrong in their personal life. Now, I am well aware, from my own lack of making right choices from time to time, that there are moments where you are tasked with helping your child figure out just how an adult is supposed to act. Sure, at 20-25 we all like to think we know what we are doing; but we screw up. If you have ever seen a bird trying to learn to fly, I feel like that is what the early twenty's are all about....

Mama Arty v.2.0

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