fast-forward 7 years

Hey, this isn't a prank or your imagination... it's me. I forgot all about this blog. Guess once that 4th kid arrived I didn't have time to deal with a blog. Then of course the husband made it home from Afghanistan. Life took over, and its okay... because that's what life should be doing.

So - Seven whole years... I couldn't possibly recap that. The Marine Corps is officially over, we don't play those games anymore, and now we are living back up near home. It's been a long adjustment but we are doing good.

I honestly only went online because I wanted to find a way to blog about things that I am dealing with. I live a good life, but there are things I need to get in order, things I have to do for me and my family if I am going to stand here and say I don't suck. I don't know. Personal decisions huh?

Now, I'm kind of confused about what to write because I thought I was going in as a newbie- stranger... didn't recall having a toe in the water already. Craziness.

I guess I can get real for a moment. I'm quitting smoking and I am stressed to the freakin max! I don't know if I can do it. I want to be able to do it. but dang it - addiction sucks. I look back at my life and you know, I quit some hardcore super stupid things back in the day - why is this so hard? This should be a joke for me, but it's not. I'm effectively cutting out the one feel-good constant I have had in my life for the last 21 years. How do you walk away from that???

There's a slew of shit that comes with this post. Hey, lets be real. Seven years! Things have happened people and in time maybe we can get all caught up. For now... I've got a cat waiting to watch a Hallmark Christmas movie with me and it's too cold to say no.

Comments

Missing In Action

Well, I honestly have to question my mental health on certain days. It feels like every time I talk to someone who is about to make a career move, their number one concern is how long that job is going to take them away from their families... I do not think we ever even considered this when he started doing what he is doing now. It's the weirdest thing to me that people are conerned with deployments and training schedules... I never really give it much thought because it is normal to us, I guess. I remember a time when I was adjusting to Steven always being gone, and I literally had to carry a picture of him with me at all times because I was certain that I was going to forget what he looked like. There were very late nights, up with kids, where I was worried I was going insane because I did not feel like this husband of mine actually existed. How ridiculous is that? Now, I suppose we have gotten so good at being apart, that he can be gone for majority of the year and I do...

Now Things Get Interesting

We have hit the 21 week mark. you know most women are excited to hit the second leg of the pregnancy, they are finally out of the wood-works, and know that all its about is baby gaining weight, developing lungs, and waiting for its entry into the world. Not so much around here. After them first 20 weeks, my pregnancies quit being fun and start being scary. Other women get excited to feel their babies moving so much, all this little boy does is move around, and it's making me nervous, he agitates my uterus; hasn't caused any contractions yet, but he's still got some room and doesn't have the strength of a 28-32 weeker yet. Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant, but its scary. And its scary to know I am carrying a boy because they suck at doing good if they are born early. I suppose it will be what it will be and there isn't anything I can do to change the plans set in place for our family. I honestly dont think anything is going to go wrong, I think everythin...

yawn

I honestly dont remember the last time I was literally falling asleep while watching television... but I am exhausted. It feels like everything has settled down with Cara and now the exhaustion of it all has finally caught up to me. I need to just sleep in, but alas, meds at 0100 and 0700, so no rest for the mommy. It's going on midnight, and I have to wonder if it's even worth going to bed for an hour, just to have the cursed alarm wake me up in a little bit. Guess it is good practice for when Ivan gets here and is on my case for late night feedings. Oh, how I hate newborns! I know that is a bad thing for a mommy to say, but who enjoys anything that tires them out and makes them miserable? Sure, I love my babies... but I love em even more when they start sleeping through the night. There's your honesty for the evening... I guess I'm too tired to sugar coat things. That or I'm just bad at sugar coating... either way.. there you have it :) I guess I will go ...

Mama Arty v.2.0

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