This is your captain... we are experiencing some turbulence

So, yesterday went completely against plans. I was planning on cleaning the critters and hanging out with Linda for a while, but nope, seems my body had different plans. During our trip to wal-mart I started to feel kinda 'yucky,' ended up in labor and delivery.

They hooked me up to the monitor for a while, and when they checked my cervix and it was closed, I was pretty excited about the idea of getting to go home and resuming my normal day to day. But then they said they wanted to keep me for observation for 2 hours! I was so upset... you know at the beginning of this pregnancy I was so happy that my doctor told me that I could basically function as a normal person... at the end of observation, after the contractions had calmed down and there was still no change to my cervix, I was told that my days as a normal girl were done.

I am officially back to my broken self... doing stupid things like having to buy 1/2 gal of milk because I can't carry a full one, and only taking the stairs twice a day. I am very, very bitter. I wanted so badly to be able to enjoy this pregnancy, while being allowed to handle everything around the house that is my job. While I know that I have to take the backseat and let people help, its upsetting because housework is my job, and taking care of the girls is my job, and now I'm being told "hey bitch, you can't do the only freakin' job you got..."

The final diagnosis was "preterm contractions," they weren't caused by dehydration, and they may honestly just be stress related... but what can I do about stress... look at the situation! And Im pretty bitter about it all. I just feel at a loss sometimes, and today was frustrating beyond words. dishes, laundry, dinner, and the entire time I'm trying to get things done, all I'm hearing is this siren going off in my head shouting "rule breaker, rule breaker..."

Comments

yawn

I honestly dont remember the last time I was literally falling asleep while watching television... but I am exhausted. It feels like everything has settled down with Cara and now the exhaustion of it all has finally caught up to me. I need to just sleep in, but alas, meds at 0100 and 0700, so no rest for the mommy. It's going on midnight, and I have to wonder if it's even worth going to bed for an hour, just to have the cursed alarm wake me up in a little bit. Guess it is good practice for when Ivan gets here and is on my case for late night feedings. Oh, how I hate newborns! I know that is a bad thing for a mommy to say, but who enjoys anything that tires them out and makes them miserable? Sure, I love my babies... but I love em even more when they start sleeping through the night. There's your honesty for the evening... I guess I'm too tired to sugar coat things. That or I'm just bad at sugar coating... either way.. there you have it :) I guess I will go ...

Missing In Action

Well, I honestly have to question my mental health on certain days. It feels like every time I talk to someone who is about to make a career move, their number one concern is how long that job is going to take them away from their families... I do not think we ever even considered this when he started doing what he is doing now. It's the weirdest thing to me that people are conerned with deployments and training schedules... I never really give it much thought because it is normal to us, I guess. I remember a time when I was adjusting to Steven always being gone, and I literally had to carry a picture of him with me at all times because I was certain that I was going to forget what he looked like. There were very late nights, up with kids, where I was worried I was going insane because I did not feel like this husband of mine actually existed. How ridiculous is that? Now, I suppose we have gotten so good at being apart, that he can be gone for majority of the year and I do...

One of Those Moms

Growing up, I always remember how our mother and father told us that if we ever did something wrong, they would not protect us from getting what we deserve, but that they would turn us in themselves if they knew we did something wrong. I can't agree with this logic more myself. What a disappointment it must be to see your own child completely fail in the things you taught them. Of course this does not only apply to if your son goes postal and offs his girlfriend... but I think it also makes it obvious how I would handle my children doing something blatantly wrong in their personal life. Now, I am well aware, from my own lack of making right choices from time to time, that there are moments where you are tasked with helping your child figure out just how an adult is supposed to act. Sure, at 20-25 we all like to think we know what we are doing; but we screw up. If you have ever seen a bird trying to learn to fly, I feel like that is what the early twenty's are all about....

Mama Arty v.2.0

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