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Twenty-Seven and Five


kitty at 3 days old.

I watch the calendar day in and day out, sometimes noticing that when I am thinking about time, I am holding my breath as though that is going to help get me through all the stress. Every morning when I mark a day off of the calendar I feel as though I have spared myself a lifetime of fear and anxiety, only to be faced with the hundreds of more that lie before me. The worst part of it all, is that it is not even the deployment, and the danger to my husband's life that has me wound so tightly. It's this pregnancy. I am currently 27 weeks and 2 days pregnant with our little boy. And if this pregnancy was my first with Stasia, I would be delivering in 3 days!

I just want these next 3 weeks to move by with a bit of urgency. I cannot stand how it makes me feel, the fear of going into Preterm Labor looming over my head with every waking hour. I do not ever want to go through the NICU again, and if I can make it through this pregnancy, I won't have to. I am desperately hoping that once I hit my 30 week mark I can go back to my normal self, fearing deployment and wallowing around in paranoia for completely different reasons.

Never in all my years married to him did I think that there could be anything that would take my mind away from him when he is gone over-seas... but I honestly am so wrapped in getting through this pregnancy and getting Ivan home with us all, that I have pretty much convinced myself that there is no reason to worry about Steven. I do not think that I could handle worrying about both of them. Oh My God! I just thought of something... what would I do if my son joins one day... I may be a military wife, that's all fine and well, but I don't know how you mother's are able to see your sons of to war... that's a whole 'nother beast. Hats off to you ladies.

Comments

  1. AnonymousJuly 5, 2012 at 10:02 AM

    You amaze me Misty...your simply amazing!

    ReplyDelete
  2. momJuly 5, 2012 at 10:19 AM

    That picture of my Punkie makes me sad :( I remember those days like it was yesterday!! I know to say "dont worry" is pretty useless! But, try to keep it in control...just a bit longer and I will be there to take some of the stress off you!! Love you bunches xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete

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