Skip to main content

That Voice Is Everything To Me


I love nothing more than hearing his voice. Nothing compares to a phone call. Nearly half of our marriage has been conducted through far away phone calls coming in at random hours. I am in a great debt to modern technology, without a doubt. I guess it's strange for the average civilian to think that the bond between two people can be so strong that it can withstand the constant distance that we are always dealing with. You see people divorcing left and right and, to me, it doesn't make sense. How can you fall out of love with somebody that you see everyday?

I have civilian friends who have relationships drop faster than flies and I don't get. it They see each other constantly, daily even, and they can't make things work. I think most of them are just afraid of the commitment of marriage, the unknown of what it truly means to give yourself completely to somebody and trust that it's going to work. I'm sure the argument would be that we aren't around one another enough to grow tired but absence does not make the heart grow fonder.

hard work does.

This marriage has been a constant butt-kicking. There is nothing scarier than giving your heart to someone who can be taken from you. Not by another woman, but by some bastard in some shit-hole country who has no value for human life. I send my future off to war damn near every single year, and it's only blind faith that keeps me sane. He has to come back for the simple fact that I have nothing without him.

I sucked, in the beginning, but we made it work and we fought for what we knew it was that we had envisioned for ourselves when we first fell in love. We knew each other for only 5 months, through letters and phone calls, before we got married. And while it may have been the hastiest decision I have ever made, it has always been the greatest choice. If the world could bottle just half of what a military couple musters to make things work, divorce would not exist.

Every year he leaves. Every deployment he comes home a little more changed than when I bid him his last safe journey. I have to learn new quarks and challenges and have to adjust constantly to who he has become. I don't think anyone comes back from deployment unchanged; I value the challenge because it means he came home.

When a 5 minute phone call can turn a bad day into a wonderful week you know you have something special, something that is good and right and worth all the suffering. You say your goodbyes, your I love yous, and than hang up and spend a minute lost in that strange silence because just as quickly as the phone rang, he is gone again. Back into his reality, back to war.

Then, like someone hitting the unpause on your life, you kick back into motion and get about your day, or go back to sleep. Hearing his voice is like a gift to me. The only real gift the Marine Corps has ever granted me lol. The clock resets, and I wait for the next phone call from a strange number that has too many, or too few digits. Sometimes I can almost feel him here while we talk; maybe we have just gotten good at this. But regardless of the reason... I think a lot more people need to fight a lot harder for what they have.

Comments

  1. I've got nothin but tears after reading this one. The truth, the strenth, and the power of your words render me speechless!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Now Things Get Interesting

We have hit the 21 week mark. you know most women are excited to hit the second leg of the pregnancy, they are finally out of the wood-works, and know that all its about is baby gaining weight, developing lungs, and waiting for its entry into the world. Not so much around here. After them first 20 weeks, my pregnancies quit being fun and start being scary. Other women get excited to feel their babies moving so much, all this little boy does is move around, and it's making me nervous, he agitates my uterus; hasn't caused any contractions yet, but he's still got some room and doesn't have the strength of a 28-32 weeker yet. Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant, but its scary. And its scary to know I am carrying a boy because they suck at doing good if they are born early. I suppose it will be what it will be and there isn't anything I can do to change the plans set in place for our family. I honestly dont think anything is going to go wrong, I think everythin...

Oh my Aching....

Every morning for the last two weeks or so, I have been waking up with this stupid headache. I can pop some tylenol (3 usually does the trick) but it's getting really old. I was hoping that chopping off all my hair would help, it takes the weight off your neck, but nope... headache is still rocking. Im sure my liver and kidneys are just thrilled with all the tylenol. Oh well, what do you do? So, I was talking to a friend last night about the girls and how they helped out yesterday with all the house work. You know, I do appreciate it, but I don't want it to become something necessary or mandatory. I think they enjoy doing stuff like that because it's not demanded of them, and I want them to continue to find joy in the mundane things in life. Like how I love standing in front of the sink scrubbing dishes... its my quiet time, and my thinking time, and everyone leaves you alone while you're doing dishes. I like mopping too, that really gets you some peace and quiet becaus...

Officially on Deployment Time

Im officially back on deployment time. *le sigh* This is always the worst. Normally I am ready to pass out at 9; but no, no, no... not during deployment. During deployment I don't really get tired at all. Here I am at 1030 so wide awake I think I may be forgetting to blink! Dang it all. I really do not understand it, it is so stupid. I feel like the minute that Steven walks out of the door my brain goes stupid. I mean I was up until nearly 0200 this morning, up at 6 and Im no where near tired. Maybe there is an upside to having a baby during deployment; I dont sleep anyways, and we all know that evil little newborns never let you sleep. This may be a blessing in disguise. *shudder* newborns scare me. Funny coming from the lady with bun #4 in the oven, but I think that first couple months where they wake you up at 10, 11, 1, 3, 4, and 5... ugh! When I found out I was pregnant with Ivan I literally felt the physical side effects of nervousness, tension... it's like damn if babi...